On Death

What is it that happens
when the lungs cease to draw breath
and the heart ceases pumping blood
and the body rests?

How does one go from breath and animation
-to waxy stillness-
in less than a blink?

I’ve seen it again and again,
life –
then death(.)

Is it a single moment missed?
Or a collection of moments
invisible?

I search my soul for sight
wanting to capture the holiness
of the end of life as we know it and
the beginning of life
as we have only been promised yet do not
(perhaps cannot)
understand.

Within the goodbye, I hear a soft hello,
a vague, somewhat distant, incomprehensible
hello.
Are we welcoming our future?
Do we see the holy?

Or do we say hello to the nothingness,
to being without form or consciousness?
Energy dies not with the body,
but instead is merely transferred.

Love after love.
Life after life.
Infinity.
But on a closed loop, perhaps.

We may have no beginning
and no end but –
we have our very being within the beginning
and end of all things.

Alpha and Omega.
Creator of all things seen and unseen.
Spirit of life. Witness to death.
Voice of Resurrection.

In the stillness of the hospital room,
where the waxy body lays,
the voice calls forth newness
out of the despair.
It vibrates and echos in my core.

Be still and know that I am God.

Forgiving

There will come a time when,
with great despair
and hope,
you will kneel and beg forgiveness.
And the hard ground will resist you,
and your knees will ache
as your heart aches
with grief
and mourning.
Sweat and tears will trickle
down your face
weighted with sadness.
The smell of fear will engulf you.
Breathe it in.
It will give you courage.
Drink your salty tears.
They will give you new life.
You will be born again into the world,
tiny and fresh
and vulnerable.
You will need help.
Ask for it.
You should cry, and eat,
and sleep.
And play.
Look at the world with wonder
and give thanks.
You are forgiven.

Beach Song

my sandy toes, your freckled nose
beer in hand, ice cold can
smooth waves rollin’, layin’ and strollin’

salt in our hair, no worries no cares
sunburned skin, soak it in
salty kiss, never miss

country tunes playin’, your hair strayin’
your pouty lips, those shakin’ hips
(let’s go for another dip!)

happy day, corn hole play
beach volleyball, gotta love it all
summer air, love so fair

castles of sand, lend me a hand
sun bathing, ocean waving
crunchy snacks, lotioned backs

red lips, beer sips
kites flyin’, ice cream buyin’
seagulls callin’, I think I’m fallin’

sinking sun, day’s done
sun’s fallin’, I’m callin’
I think I’m fallin’ in love.

Whistle

It boils up from the inside
bubbling heat
spittle filled hate
hissing into the void
issuing steam
I cannot contain.

I’m a raging kettle
screaming to be removed
from the red-hot eye.

I’m dangerous in this state –
(can’t you see?)

BACK OFF.
Unit I cool.

Then I’ll warm your tea for you.

“I’m Apathetic” – Another Prayer

Creator, breath, life, spirit, being, you know who you are…

My soul sings before you in this sunshine, in this courtyard respite from my gloomy disposition. It’s a Saturday and I want only to be outdoors in this heat, this light, this warmth that feeds my aching soul, not stuck inside, locked in my own weariness. This day is no day for sickness and tears, and yet here they are anyway, and you ask me to confront them. But I just don’t want to. Not today. Let me linger a little longer in these sun-warmed cushions. Let me get a little sunburned as my eyes feast on the vibrant colors – reds, pinks, purples, and the many greens all around me. Let me stay in this sanctuary until my empty cup fills up again.

My body aches with heaviness and apathy. I want only to sleep, to find rest in your light. But too soon the minutes slip away and I must try to find you elsewhere, in the bodies of your children hurting. Help me to find you there, God. Help me to look for you in the dark places. Help me to see your light in a different way. Filly my cup as I encounter your works in hospital rooms and hallways. Remind me to smile, to live in each present moment, to believe I am loved. Give me strength and courage to face the rest of this day with peace and not with this dreadful apathy.

Fill me with your holy breath as I breathe in all Creation.

Amen.